Intellectually I understand

Tonight, I'm synched in with God
When I finally
Decided to get sober really
Over two years
Ago, one of my biggest
Fears was that my trippy God would now be missed

Intellectually I understand
God was with me at my worst and
He is constant
I am constantly
Experiencing God, but

Spirituality
Was my drug trip
that constant conscious contact whenever
I was with my Pi Om sisters and the Deadheads
I was with my God and he spoke loud

No doubt. But tonight, God pulled
the veil back. Not that I have ever
Doubted, but tonight God pulled
A miracle

Even though I could spend all day and every
Night kicking it with my man,
He had a
bunch of homework
Due tonight

and so I left his house to
go home and...?
I prayed earlier and that synchs
me into God's will (I
mean, I don't
think we can ever weaken those links)

But it reminds ME that my
life is not mine
God's running the show
Apparently,

facebook is aligned with the planet Venus
Because it connected me
to someone
I needed to speak with. She's

suffering because of the
Disease. And
it's been so long since I felt that fear
of death for my
self that when I heard her,
I just wanted to pull her back from the edge.

I don't want to lose her. I don't want to
lose anyone, but there's something
especially
painful about
a sister that I shared my

soul and my demons with,
who suffered in
hell with me. I want her to join us
in this fourth dimension of happiness so
I reached my hand out and she received it. And

I pray to God only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Bless her, Lord.

Day 5

"I Invite"
by Elise Nicole

I feel empowered tonight
Being true to inner Light
I deserve respect, especially from
The man I invite to beat my drum

I wasn't getting it. I
Knew I couldn't just go get high
I expressed this to him, I was
Met with excuses ("I did that 'cause...")

arguments
I was so tired of
Being tense
I closed my love

The numb wore off and then it was
only pain and an anger buzz.
No longer that aching, raging,
fire anger that left with aging

Pick up the phone and call Nichole. And
Finally reach out to her outstretched hand
she was politely appalled. She spoke
Telling me my trauma was not a joke

Compassion
God's perspective, and True
Without sin
Concepts so new

Love that not only respects
Female surrender to nasty sex
but admires woman as goddess.
That is not what I have, I thought.

expressed that to him again
honoring the goddess within
No more fear-motivated bull
The truth without fear of the outcome

"Sounds like you
don't want to continue
together,"
he guessed correct

A cordial, polite, "mature" split
and then tears of utter loss. I
could feel my heart breaking. Feel it
Breaking apart, severed, and it hurt!

A tragic Valentine's. He texted
to say I am really sorry for
the way I treated you. Expressing
the respect he has for me and realized

He was wrong
and meant it. He honored
Lamented
but did not beg

He let me go. But now I
couldn't bear to say goodbye
And then he opened his heart and shared his
truth, his trauma. Not as an excuse

It was his dark hell. "I know
what hell is," he said, "and I don't
want to keep you in yours."

Day 4

And then there was the time
When my boyfriend and I stayed up all night to fight and finally had to
Just go to sleep. It was a pretty bad fight, we're
Both passionate, sensitive, don't like it when
Our emotions get the best of us. I have to admit the ten year
Age difference makes him a bit more prim
In his manners than myself. This morning showed his shy self
And it just wasn't our
Usual love bubble. After trouble
In paradise, doesn't our

Love conquer all? I'm grateful that he was willing to pray with me
This morning and that God, as we each understand
God, softened our hearts. Craig bought me a delicious iced tea
in Santa Cruz and we rode our bicycles along the cliffs. Sunny, cool breeze finally won,
djembes, dijareedoo, a sweet doggy,
The living salt sea... Craig makes this sound like "daaaahh, man,
so rad!!" when something is too hippie for him to articulate and I guess it was!

Day 3

Big thanks to J Wave for letting me know that my
Settings were tweaked! Becoming pro at my
Computer navigation and I figured out how I
Enable my blog's comments all by myself. A small fry,
Yet ultra satisfying, victory! My next fish fry
is my grandmother's 80th birthday party
Craig's grandpa inspired, I want hers to be hearty
Needless to say, she is very excited, which warms
my heart like nothing else...

Day 2

Okay, so a few days have passed with no writing, but here I am! I worked the last three days and I guess, after massaging people for hours, I forgot all about my pledge to write everyday for the month of February. I don't really know why I'm doing this other than that I want to. I just ordered checks for the first time ever. I possess a natural resistance to anything financially superfluous and/or potentially hazardous including credit cards, television sets, and, yes, checks, so this is a big step for me. The icky smell of cigarette smoke is flowing through the vents in my house at this moment. Very unpleasant. Time for sleep. Well, time for a little Breaking Dawn via my awesome kindle closely followed by sleep! More to come...

Day 1- Women's Creative Collective writing workshop

I almost forgot that today
Is the first day of foray
Into the unknown world of
Online thoughts being unfurled
Until I saw Julie Wave's post on my
facebook. The power of Om Pie
through Julie & Sylvia, my dear friends from...

USC. I didn't read the idea prompt, I'm just going for it...
I love to write, it's actually one of my greatest passions. I have always journaled from the time I was about 4 or 5. I remember that birthday everyone asked me what I wanted and I told them all "a diary" and I ended up with three! I was perplexed at the predicament of receiving this triplicate present, but my mom said I could fill them all and that's exactly what I did. I have had diaries and journals ever since. My mom swears she never read any of them and, you know, I actually believe her.

I don't know who might end up reading this. But incase you'd like to know, my name is Elise Babybird, I am 25 yrs old (I can't believe that!). Thirty seems much too close, but I know that I am exactly where I need to be. I live in a beautiful house in the Bay area with three other awesome individuals, I practice massage therapy, I studied filmmaking at USC and almost graduated... Just filled out my FAFSA because I am going back and getting my degree, probably from San Jose State or somewhere local. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and who I love.
That's all for today. Glad I did this. More to come. Peace.